I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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