hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
You made out with two different species that night
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Randomize
