She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Randomize
