(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
