Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Say something about gay babies.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
birth control should be required to get into college
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
