Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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