eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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