Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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