she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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