Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
