He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
