I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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