So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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