theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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