My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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