I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Randomize
