Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
