maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
