I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
