I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
my poor anus
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
