Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
