you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
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