Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Randomize