Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
