you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize