Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Help me help you realize you are a moron
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
