"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
