i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Randomize
