Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
