no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
