Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
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