I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
