Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
