I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
