Moan for me like Helen Keller
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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