we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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