i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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