I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
