My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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