I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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