Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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