I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
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