I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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