i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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