none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
there was a trapeze. enough said
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
