Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
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