Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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