How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
