I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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