Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
