i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
