There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
