Fuck appropriateness.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Everclear isn't food dammit
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
