Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
