This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
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