I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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